Life be lifin'...

I have been feeling life all at once lately. 

Like, I'm doing too much but nothing at all at the same time. Sometimes, I am beyond grateful for everything developing in my life. There's been an abundance of change this year. Both amazing and awful.

Some days, I forget to be thankful and can only see darkness. And being stuck in that place, stuck in self, is a scary place to be. Just in June alone, I have started a new career, got in a new relationship, and adopted a new puppy. Blessings upon blessings! But, it also feels like a lot. 

I am experiencing such imposter syndrome in my new job; I've been overthinking my new relationship based on past ones (which isn't fair to either partner), and I have gained a whole lot of new responsibility with this pup (aka maniac). This is what life is all about though... progress, adventure, connection.

Change has always been terrifying to me. We find comfort in what we have always known but change is where growth happens and if we aren't growing, what's the point? Nothing changes if nothing changes.

I was talking about all of this with my sister yesterday and she mentioned that I need to give myself some grace, which is such solid advice (advice I give to others all the time), but there was a point where I forgot about that part.

As I continue to ride this rollercoaster called life, I have to remember I just lost my mom in January, ended a friendship that I thought would last a lifetime in March, lost my German Shepherd in April, and got laid off from my job in May. 

Fuck. I have never experienced so much pain in so little time and I truly do need to remember to give myself grace. Healing is not linear and grief comes in waves. It's okay to not be okay all the time. The control freak in me forgets that and when I forget to 'let go and let God' my mental becomes a mess.

With loss comes rebirth though, right? New beginnings, new people, new experiences. Life is one big wave and we just have to remember to keep riding it. I, specifically, have to remember to keep doing the things that make me feel better and that keep my mind from sabotaging the present moment. Sobriety, yoga, walking, nature, solitude, time with friends and family... those are the reasons I keep riding the wave and I always have to remember to come back to those things.

So, if the first half of this year has you feeling the same way as me, dust yourself off and come back to what's important. Get out of self and go help someone else in need. Take care of yourself so you can be there for others. And remember, the past is what got you here and the future isn't known, so continue to enjoy each moment and take one day at a time. Life is truly beautiful if we let it be. Don't take it too seriously and don't take it for granted either. This could be our last day here. 

I wish everyone a lovely last half of the year. Cheers to being alive!